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"Hey Dad " October 15, 2003
by Ray “Rajko” Ranic

“Hey Dad”! Two words - and not just any two words! Some words in the shortest of phrases have powerful meaning - for example - “Jesus Wept” - the shortest verse in the Bible is only two words but they convey unlimited amounts of meaning. What about “You Know” as in the assumption of understanding - while you take a friendly poke in the ribs - or “You Know” as a statement of fact - or how about “You Know” as you’re about to get involved in a discussion where you listen only to what the speaker says - usually a parent, friend, pastor, teacher, and you may be on the receiving end of that “You Know” what I call “Catcher In The Wry” commentary. Some of my other favorite two word phrases are “No Way,” “Not Me,” “You’re On,” “Big Deal” - (Bas Me Briga to our Serbian linguistics pros), “So What,” “Wanna Bet,” and the somewhat blunt and stunted phrase of “Get Lost.”

“I’m sure there are many more of these two word phrases you could think of, including the more colorful descriptive phrases saved when you become Rambo behind the car wheel or you’re doing the super parent(s) job of kids, phone, meals, mess, the doorbell rings...and you run out of arms...and patience! (Are you smiling yet?)

Now it may seem like I’ve said nothing - but I had a good conversation recently with my oldest son over a book he read for an assignment called “The Sun Also Rises.” Amazing how this writer by the name of Ernest Hemingway wrote a whole book that said “nothing.” After some discussion we found out just how much “nothing” could be crammed into his book - enough to make it a classic. Now that I’m getting back to “Two Words”and what “Hey Dad” is about - you might question how do you write an article about “Hey Dad” and make it interesting enough to say “”Something.”

“Hey Dad” didn’t happen overnight. It has taken the better part of approximately eleven years to understand and comprehend its full meaning. It’s about relationships and particularly the one I have with my son Rob, age 11. Every day as he would get off the school bus, he always says “Hey Dad.” Between us - it has become the beginning of the rest of our day and it starts with a greeting . From there “Hey Dad” is that unwritten rule of conversation between us It means how has your day been? And what did you learn today?
It is the door opener of greeting, conversation and discussion, and leads to the rest of the day with all of its many challenges - especially for an antsy 11 year old. The door between “Hey Dad” and the door that leads to the rest of the day is a very important one. It tells me what’s going on in his life. His interaction on the bus, the time in school, the work with his teachers, classmate communication, and the “consequences and repercussions” of positive activity. It also includes that which you would like to forget about and put behind you (as quickly as possible of course!). For example, there was the time I went to make sure his lunch bag was empty - only to stick my hand inside and pull out a pop can ripped in two - put in his bag by an anonymous classmate having some “fun.”

The subsequent conversation with the school principal led to a change in policy. During my discussion we tried to duplicate ripping a pop can in two. Needless to say - there were some humorous moments as I did manage to rip one in two - but not before it left me red faced and out of breath - sharing a good laugh over the amount of energy it took that classmate and several others (My son included) to rip that can in two and put it in the lunch bag.

Yes, “Hey Dad” means you have to be a human radar detector for problems, fights, quarrels, arguments, and try to dispense just the right answers to those questions regarding being “tactful and diplomatic” such as - what should you do when you really want to throw a snowball at the kid for spilling YOUR milk or getting YOU in trouble?

I took a good look at the class “halos” and found “to my surprise” that there are tiny chips and cracks in the armor of his classmates from pre-K to present.(Son(s) included!) Over time they usually wind up being those conflicts that result from times of fooling around, getting caught and yelled at, or the dreaded, “heaven forbid,” being yelled at for something you didn’t do (never happened to me- “I wish”!)

“Hey Dad” means you have to be parent, rule maker, negotiator, candy bar seller, financier, authoritarian, referee (especially the sibling conflict - eyes rolling) homework checker, route manager, safety coordinator, chauffeur, diplomat, advice giver, role model, and disciplinarian. I ‘m sure I left out a few jobs in the process - you can easily fill in the appropriate job titles!
There’s also another special meaning for us, and it’s when he picks up his violin and says “Hey Dad”! That’s my cue to get the tamburas out and get down to business. The wonderful Suzuki program that has been the foundation of my son’s music background has led to that time when I get to pull MY instruments out and WE practice together! Sometimes I’ll play brac, prim, or bugarija - work on lead and harmony parts, counterparts or just play rhythm. I work around his practice!

It’s a special time in our lives - when the world revolves around us! We go to a special place - a special dimension - where the time we spend together is our own moment in time and it can’t be duplicated - father and son - violin and tambura, and I know in my heart, I have been given a treasure - a gift without price because there is no amount of worth financially to me that takes the place of listening to the Suzuki sounds of “The Happy Farmer,” “Perpetual Motion,” or “Gavotte,” and many more songs that we play together - and many are the occasions that our practices end with “Sinoc Si Meni Rekla, Zaplet Kolo, Kolo Usest Koraka, and Oj Devojko Rode!

It is a time of growth and a place in our lives - where our time together , music, and most important, love, are what “Hey Dad” means the most!

As you can see by now those two words mean a lot and sometimes there’s a price to pay for it. “Hey Dad” can also mean time to get the baseball gloves out and “have a catch”. Whenever I use that phrase “have a catch” I think of the Kevin Coster movie “Field of Dreams” and I am reminded that we only have one way to pass through this life, and it’s important to make the most of it - but can we really travel through time - to move among the mists of the past and reach out to it - and make it real - once again.

The answer is yes - it can be done, and I’ve been doing it a lot in my “latter years.” It is accomplished by the life lessons that we learn as we pass through on our journey. I was adopted at age 6 by loving Serbian parents. Growing up as a young boy, one of those life lessons had to do with windows and baseball. Windows and baseball? Yes the clouds are beginning to lift! On two of those life lesson occasions during the “Hey Dad” time of let’s “have a catch.”

I had to step into the past. The year is 1965. For a moment if you can imagine as we step through the time portal-if you can picture in your mind, a backyard baseball game at a neighbor’s house on a warm sunny day. Most of the neighborhood children are there. Boys and girls-we all played together and it didnt matter what team you were on. I’m up to bat - the windup and pitch - I can still hear the crack of the bat as I slam the ball as hard as my 12 year old body would let me - right into the neighbor’s house, a mere 15 feet away from the ball game - shattering the entire window (actually all 8 panels of them) and putting a quick end to the ball game.

I still remember the look on the face of “Mrs. S.” as she came out- very controlled and said “I’ll have to call your father about this.” Although our house was just down the street, it felt like a walk down a child’s “death row” so to speak. Some sight I was - my baseball glove looped around my bat handle, I had on my white tee shirt and rolled up blue jeans. Even the US Keds didn’t make my walk home feel any easier - or my feet lighter - in fact - it felt like I had bricks on my feet. ( I also had the other prime time sneaker of the day - P.F. Flyers-but on this day it wouldnt have made a difference WHICH pair I wore-I was in BIG trouble!)

When I got to our house, I was sure my 12 year old life from then on would not be a pleasant one. My mind thought, “woe is me” - gone would be the baseball games until I was an adult (if I made it that far!). I opened the door and said “Hey Dad” in my most soulful, miserable, down in the dumps voice. Dad said “how was your day?” I said “OK” - he asked “did anything special happen?” I said “No” He asked again “Are you sure nothing special happened?” I knew I was on the spot. Dad knew what happened. I looked him straight in the eye and as bravely as I could - summed up what remaining courage I had (with wobbly knees,of course) and said “I broke Mrs. S window(s) today playing baseball. “ Then silence as I awaited my sentencing.

I’ll never forget my father’s response as long as I live. He said “I’ll take care of it - accidents happen - I just wanted you to tell me the truth about it” The clouds of life began to lift and I knew there would be other ballgames at the end of the “Serbian Rainbow”. We never discussed the incident again. I will say I broke my share of windows playing baseball - as a matter of fact - 3 other times I can think of - but this was one of the more memorable of those moments in time where I have had to travel into the past for a life lesson.

I remember the first window I broke on OUR HOUSE was quite memorable and helped Dad hone his glass cutting skills. As I said before, I needed to go to that place in 1965 on two occasions. That translates into “Hey Dad” “Let’s have a catch,” It also means - I’ve had to repair TWO broken windows - one from each son - my hope is that they’ll remember that the price of windows is much more expensive today than 38 years ago when I was twelve. Enough of the Karma wheel! In time- I will become a part of their past and I want them to remember this story. I remember my father loved me enough to cut me a break when I needed it. Summed up in just “Two Words!” Lesson Learned! I’ll close by adding a final thought. “Unconditional Love” is the right stuff “Hey Dad” is made of!

Panefully yours-said with some “tongue n cheek” humor of course!

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